Thursday, April 1, 2010

Expectations

I don't really know how to start this post. Sometimes life is just difficult. Sometimes adoption is difficult. I think we have come to realize that sometimes patterns form in our children that only God can alter. In order for Him to transform that child's heart, they have to let Him in. I felt led to be honest and open up a little about our story. .....

I have to be very careful to protect my daughter's heart, but I feel like its important to be honest. This has been difficult. From the beginning its been hard. I think when you adopt a teenager from a different culture and lifestyle you have to expect that. You try to alter your expectations but don't really account for theirs. Weyni is struggling with false expectations. Expectations of material things, freedom and her reasons for coming here. She came here with her expectation of a "better life". When those expectations aren't met it is so difficult for her to move forward (just like when our expectations aren't met!) We understand the family part was the extra, not the deciding factor for her coming. That is difficult to take in. You really begin to see things clearly through your child's eyes when you understand their expectations. Of course she's having issues with authority she had expectations of independence. She was expecting to be cured from her seizures and is bound by medicines and restrictions. She was expecting to excel in academics and return to her country and she's stuggling because of learning disabilities and language issues. She expected to have a cell phone and laptop...not to be told no because of finances or boundaries.


The bottom line is this....we all have these expectations of our life, or how God is going to use us, or of our children. So we all understand the only way we can accept these broken expectations is to allow Jesus to come in and transform our desires and expectations. We have to let Him come in and shatter our expections and build our heart back up with the desire to serve Him and love Him. We are at that place with our daughter. Praying that she allows God in to transform her desires for her life. We want to see her blossom into the woman God wants her to be. We have to accept that this pattern can't be fixed by our love. That is very important for adoptive parents to understand. It is very difficult to accept. Even when your filling out the paperwork your thinking " love can heal all things". Yes love can heal all things, but only God's love. Even when we're saved we still have to give Him parts of our hearts little by little. And yes I know we read love doesn't heal all things, and we understand these children need more....but down deep we think love heals all things:)

as always I can't accept responsibility for my bad grammar, i love run-on sentences and incomplete thoughts:)

9 comments:

Murphy Momma said...

Dominique, thanks for your honesty. It seems I've heard alot of that lately from adoptive parents and I know the road is often hard. At the same time, the picture of God's redemption and healing is beautiful to behold and it's a reminder that we are all in progress toward true relationship with our Heavenly Father. God bless as you pour His love on this child of His (and yours),.

"Indescribable" said...

Thank you for this post - it IS hard, a lot of the time.
I was surprised when I got the feeling that I wasn't giving enough, they expected more. I kept going back in my mind to what they had before and what they have now, and felt that they were just wanting more, more, more. This made me mad. I thought they were quickly 'americanized', but really they're children who see and don't really understand.

We have some of the same frustrations with language and academics. This makes me sad for Jack, (12 yrs old) Honey doesn't seem to have the language or academic issues, I believe her heart was ready for her new family and his heart grieves all the time.
Praying for peace!
I love run on sentences and incomplete thoughts too!
Maria

Kimmie said...

Praying for you and for the breakthrough that you are believing God for. Keep believing Dominique.

xoxo
Kimmie

Hurricane Living said...

Praying for you guys & love your honesty as always!

Charisa said...

Thanks for being real and honesty...and the expectations thing is so true!!! Great insight!

Karen said...

Great post and thank you for giving me your blog. Your family is beautiful!

I love run on sentences too..... and when I am not sure if there needs to be a comma I just put..... you will see them all through the email I just sent you :)

Press On~

Karen

Sunday said...

Just checking in on you Dominique. How are things going. My email is slandraint@yahoo.com.

Kimmie said...

Dominique...

Praying for you. Please know I am your friend and am here for you.

I love you dear sister.

Kimmie

Kimmie said...

Sending a new hug...hope you are well.

xoxo
Kimmie