Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Wow. It's been a while. To be honest I just haven't known what to say. How to word it. How people would react.

It has been a very long, trying year for us. Everything started falling apart for Weyni and us back in May. It has been difficult the whole time but it became especially trying and unbearable. Weyni left our home in July and has recently came back. She will be attending a boarding school that has had a lot of success with international kids and kids struggling with attachment issues.

God has shown us sooooo very much during this time. I have been on the floor in a puddle crying and also arms thrown up angry. I have been confused... why did God call us to a child that didn't want to be here....why did this little girl have to suffer so much...why does she have to continue to suffer because of attachment issues not caused by her....why can't I have her in my home and get the happily everafter...why do my other children have to suffer so much watching this explosive anger....why can't ....why can't...

Well, we are at a new beginning point now. We are hoping and praying that this is successful. We want Weyni to know that she is worthy of all God has for her. That He is faithful. I have learned that no amount of good parenting, loving, or planning can make your child make good choices. Some very painful lessons have to be lived out. I've learned for myself that God is faithful even when I'm heartbroken and helpless. I know now that in order for God to be that for my children He has to take them on their own journey. I've learned not to listen to all the nay-sayers. I've learned that some people love adoption as long as it all looks picture perfect and when an adoption is near failure then some people blame the parents and take it out of God's plan, they can't possibly believe that it could all be part of His bigger picture. I've learned that people will throw stones and say hurtful things because they have never walked in your shoes. I've learned that there are many families and mothers hurting out there that are too scared to speak up. There are families living through turbulent dangerous times everyday in their own home with no support. I've also learned about God's grace and His love for us as parents. I hope I never judge another parent. I've learned humility. I have also gained amazing friends that have walked though this time with us side-by-side, hand-in-hand.

God has been good to our family. We are stronger than ever. He has healed my other children's hearts and I have gotten to see them offer forgiveness and offer new beginnings.

God is good. So here I am looking forward to 2011. Hoping this is the year Weyni finds her way. I know God will continue to direct our paths. Thank all of you who have been so supportive during this time. Thank all of you who have been praying for us. Well there it is. Have a great New Year's!!


"Indescribable" said...

You're in my thoughts and prayers! Your faithfulness is a true testament to God! Thank you.
Happy to year to all of you!

Stace said...

Thank you for sharing your heart with us...NOT judgemental. We haven't walked in your shoes. Praying for you and your whole family.

Murphy Momma said...

I just now saw your update and I'm so glad to know where things are at for you guys. Not easy for sure, but not out of God's ability to heal and restore each member of your family. While that happens, I will continue to pray.

coffeemom said...

Resources such as this home for your daughter are a blessing. Glad you have the wisdom to use them. YOu will stay on my prayer list as this is all so challenging. So glad to find you and I know that healing can happen, in God's time, and that it will.
Happy New Year!

Kimmie said...

HOW DID I MISS THIS POST?? You have been on my heart for weeks. I continue to lift you up, but didn't have this to plug into the prayer equation...will do now, will do now my friend.

I am proud of you...you are an inspiration...continue sharing your journey. Your voice will ripple out, as others who are hurting, lonely and seeking God for help (will find you) and you will able (by your example) to point them to Him. Because truly all our answers come from Him, are hidden in Him and flow to us as we rest in Him.

Happy to read this post and see that God is working (which He always is, just sometimes we don't feel it or see it.)